I loved you more than you could imagine. But sometimes you have to let go of the things that you love just to end a toxic circle of pain.
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So today was day one of my second year of teaching and what a day it was! Certain children walkes through those doors this morning and had grown so much over half term which was only a week long! Its crazy how fast children grow so fast and change so quickly. When Ifirst started our class was difficult. There are four children in our class with suspected autism and all four children can be very difficult to control on the best of days. The class as a whole is difficult though with the majority being behind mentally for their age. Today I came home full of smilew, suprisingly. It went so smoothly considering it was the first day back and I was expecting them to be quite unsetlled. We are trying very hard to follow the new curriculum ‘positive mindset’ and its already making a big change to our classroom. I so often see children encouraging other children and cheering them on/congratulating them when they do a good piece of work or answer a question correctly. Though positive mindset isnt always something I manage to take home with me when I leave school. I miss my grandad ever so much especially this time of year where we should be celebrating his birthday, my birthday and christmas aswell as so many other things that happen this time of year. Instead in just a few days it will be the anniversary of his death and its actually difficult to come to terms with because it only feels like yesterday that the bombshell was dropped onto me. Aswell as thia, lukes cancer has returned and we are waiting for answers. Its a constant waiting game. Some days fly by and are easy but others can be the complete opposite. Im grateful and counting my lucky stars that I have good health and so many positive things have happened this year despite the crap.❤

Birthdays, anniverasieries and anything similar is always really difficult. Much more difficult than just a “normal day” which isnt the easiest either. I cant believe how fast these years seem to be flying by without you. Whenever I think of you I think of you in that blue jacket you always wore and sat on your chair out the kitchen reading the newspaper with a cup of coffee in your special mug. Its never easy visting nan and seeing your chair empty but I promise you I will continue to visit her to ensure she is okay. I should be coming to your house with presents but the best thing I can do now is visit your stone with some flowers. I know your always watching me and I hope im doing you proud. Im trying ny hardest to suceed. I only wish you was here to give me advice and opinion. I miss you so much grandad. Happy birthday❤

